Special thanks to OGR's DJ Glee, my "roving reporter", for supplying these hilarious quotes. Laughter is the best medicine for any generation.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
-
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)<><>

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt<><>

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark TwainBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain<><>

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns<><>

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.- Socrates<><>

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx<><>

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante<><>

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex Levine<><>

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield<><>

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan<><>

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath<><>

I don't feel old.. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope<><>

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it
- W. C. Fields<><>

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers<><>

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.- Phyllis Diller<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.- Billy Crystal<><>
And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.
"See you on the radio." Ciao for now!! 
Winnie